I Don't Understand

      Have you ever just had a 'throw-your-hands-up-and-scream' moment? I have been dealing with moments like this over the past couple of weeks.
      I was the first in my family to graduate from college last December. It wasn't easy but I stuck it out because I knew I wanted to be a teacher. Not only did I know I wanted to be one but, I felt like that's what God wanted for me too. Anyway, I knew graduating in December wasn't the most ideal time to find a teaching position but I applied for a few maternity leaves. None of them worked out for me. I knew that subbing would be the best way to get my foot in the door but, Seth was starting back to school full time so I needed a steady paycheck. I got a job as a temp at Protective Life in January with the intent of getting a teaching job in the fall. The Lord blessed us by making me a full time employee here at Protective in May, but I still knew I wanted to teach in the fall. I have diligently applied for every teaching position in a 20 mile radius (some even father) of our house, but here we are in August and I still don't have a teaching position. The closer we get to school starting the more anxious/disappointed/confused/down right frustrated I get. Don't get me wrong I am so very thankful for a full time job with benefits that allows Seth to be in school full time, but I want, no need, to be in my own classroom.
     All of that to get back to my original thought.. I am at the point of throwing my hands in the air and screaming because I don't understand God's plan. I know, I know, its in His timing. He knows what He's doing, but I still don't understand... Another reason why He's God and I'm not I guess. I just feel so discouraged and even inadequate.. What if I'm just not a good teacher? People know me best would describe me as a Recovering Control Freak so this is really hard for me. My plans aren't clear and that is terrifying. What if I never get a teaching position? What if I am stuck in a job that doesn't fulfill me forever? There are so many 'what ifs' my brain feels like it might explode sometimes. I have started to post the serenity prayer when it gets overwhelming:

"God grant me the serenity to accept he    things I can not change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"

I can't change my circumstances right now, but I can change, or at least try to change my outlook and attitude. I know that the Lord has plans to prosper me and I am holding on to that promise! I know that His plans are far better than anything I could plan for myself. I am praying for peace for the moments where I feel like I'm losing it.